Ok the other day I received this in the mail and it really made me sit and reflect on my choices when it comes to men. It also provoked thoughts on exactly how things should be. As my blog title states "we have to chose more wisely". Our current situations are a result of all of our previous choices. We have to choose more wisely and take responsibility for our choices!

I often warn women who are contemplating marriage to marry someone who cantake care of them. When a woman marries, it ought to be to someone who iscapable of taking her to the next level. If she comes from poverty, there isno reason for her to get married and still be impoverished. The role of theman is to take her to another place.When she gets married, she ought to dress better, drive better, live better,and eat better, not constantly be in a struggle over where her next meal iscoming from. My grandmother used to say, "I can do bad all by myself". For awoman desiring a mate, the objective, of course, would be to find aChristian man, who's settled, has goals, accomplishments and a job. But agoal-oriented and focused man can't just be approached any kind of way. Sothe woman who seeks this type of stability must make sure that she standsout above the crowd:
1. Make sure your relationship with the Lord is strong and growing.
2. Make sure that you are presentable. Working from the inside out, your presentation should be representative of both who you are and whom you seek.Appearance is a reflection of how you see yourself.
3. Have the ability to hold an intelligent conversation.
4. And most importantly, allow the Holy Ghost to take control. You don'tneed to go after him. He's going to come after you, because after he seesand smells you and knows that you're in his presence, he's going to want toknow who you are! I know there's somebody reading this who has been chasingafter the "man of your dreams," but God says, "Just sit still and allowpatience to have her perfect work through Me."

As always, focus on loving you.
Your Girl,
Valarie

Save Money - Cut Back & Cut Waste

With the economy being the way it is, I have been trying to find ways to say money. Gas alone is killing my pocket and budget. I know that I am not alone in this, so as I find little tips I will bring them to you.



Top 5 Money Wasters:

Here's how to save a bundle



1. Gym memberships. You pay the fee but you rarely attend. Why not call your girlfriends and meet in the part or at the local high school track for an hour of excercise and laugher.

2. Bottled water. You can say good-bye to nearly$550 over the course of a year. Instead, boil and bottle your own tap water. Or purchase a water-filtration system.

3. Cell phone and cable bills. If you've been loyal, call the company's customer service retention department and ask about specials or ways to reduce your monthly bill.

4. Brand-name drugs. Ask your doctor and pharmacist if a generic drug is available. And consider mail-order pharmacies, which often charge lower prices. Visit Vipps.info.

5. Checking account fees. You can save more than $100 a year in fees by selecting a free checking account. Compare rates at Bankrate.com.



Article from Essence Magazine June 2008 issue.



Overall we have to look at what we are spending and find ways to cut back and save money. By all means this is not an easy task but we have to find ways to cut back until the economy bounces back.

Purpose

I believe without doubt that we all have a purpose in life. I think the tell-tale signs are things we are good at , things we like to do. But like myself I think some of us stand in our own way. I think we could accomplish so much more if we just stop over thinking things or questioning it. I am so bad at that. I can over think something until I have just about created a whole other problem. LOL! But just imagine the results if we would focus on our purpose and create the amazing fulfilling life we were placed here to lead. I truly believe we all have that in us. That is my daily task to stay focused on the right things and stop getting in my own way. Its a journey.

Your Dream - Message from Tyler Perry

I was sent this in an email today and wanted to share. Great message!

A Message from Tyler Perry - Dream
Hey there! I woke up this morning knowing that I needed to send this email to you to let you know that WHY DID I GET MARRIED? opens this Friday. I know that I needed to tell you to please check your ticket stubs to make sure that they say WHY DID I GET MARRIED? And I needed to say, "Please go this weekend, the first weekend is very important!" I know that I needed to ask you to please not buy this movie on bootleg, but to see it in the theaters. I know that Ineeded to send this email to stress all of this, but I also felt so compelled this morning to talk to you about something else. Yesterday a reporter asked me a question. He said, "With all that is happening to you now--when you were growing up in New Orleans did you ever imagine that you would be in this position?" I told him, "Yes, I did imagine!" He was shocked. He said, "You don't think that's a little arrogant?" I told him this--and I want to share it with you because the way he looked at me I know that he won't print it. I said, "I had to imagine myself in a better place. Sometimes the nights got so cold and the days so hard and long that if I wouldn't have then I wouldn't have made it." The Bible says that you should speak things that are not as though they were, and that you must cast down imaginations and everything that exalts itself against the knowledge of God. It also says that the power of life and death is in the tongue. So, you can speak life or you can speak death. I chose to speak life into my situation. I chose to use my imagination to take me higher. Not just in this life but higher in Christ. I want to ask you some questions today. And this is mainly for the people that are going through right now. When you think about your tomorrow are good things waiting for you? When you imagine your future are you happy and blessed? Is your family happy? Are you in a better place than you are now? If you don't see good things in your future then nothing good will come your way. You must think good about you so that it can come to you. So, start seeing yourself in a better place. I promise you that it works. It worked for me and it can work for you. And just a side note, when you start to dream and see yourself in a better place, don't share it witheverybody. Long ago I stopped telling people my dreams because I would always run into dream stealers--people who are so miserable and so mad at the world that all they can do is bring you bitter words of hopelessness. Stay away from these people! They are poison. I had a few people in my life like that. I had to get rid of them--and some of them were family members. It's time to come out of it. And it starts in your mind. If God can bring me out of poverty and despair and place me right in the middle of the life that I've always dreamed of then He can do it for anyone…if you believe. As you head to the movies this weekend my prayer is that you begin to live in the place that God has prepared for you. Use your imagination. It is a glorious tool. See yourself doing better and it shall come to pass. It has no choice. Remember, as a man (or woman) thinketh so is he (she). In other words what "you" think of "you" becomes who "you"are. So, what are "you" thinking of "you" today?

Be blessed, Tyler Perry

P.S. I'll see you at the movies

I just needed to share that.
Your Girl,
Valarie
Remember to love yourself, because no one will love you like you will

Don't Settle

This will probably be a short one. I just wanted to encourage every woman who reads this blog to never settle; for anything in life. Whether it's your career, business, or personal life. I truly believe things that we "settle" for, we eventually regret. Now I know not everything happens over night but be patient, plan a strategy, set goals and allow time for it to happen. I think that sometimes we are in such a rush we tend to settle because we think what we are waiting for will never happen so we accept whatevers there at the moment. I am so guilty of doing this in my life. I can think back many years and see that common thread of accepting what's there now instead of being patient for what I want, for what I deserve. I am trying to stop this, now predictable, behavior but it has to be a concious effort. It won't happen overnight or on its own. I believe we each have a special part to play in life and we have to do our part to study for the role. With all said, just don't settle. Life is too short to look back and think "what if".

Your Girl,
Valarie

Love Yourself, because no one will love you like you will.
Oh, yeah, remember.....don't settle.

I was just was sitting here going through the internet and reading articles that linked to blogs that normally I don’t read. Sherri Shepherd (whose face I know but can never remember her name) writing some letter about Beyonce and how I guess she’s tired of seeing her all around and how Beyonce needs to stop working for a while, etc.; Britney Spears and her issues. So I am sitting there thinking it’s so amazing how everyone has something to say about some one else’s business. For the comment Sherri Shepherd made: considering the “industry” is a fickle industry, I would think you would “want” to work as much as possible. Since you never really know when your career is going to end. And I would think we as consumers are smart enough that when we are tired of a celebrity we’ll stop buying their tickets, clothes, products or whatever they are selling. Now I don’t buy Beyonce’s products (excuse me except one CD, but plenty of others do). So are we to really believe that if Sherri Shepherd had the “opportunity” to work a lot in the entertainment industry or executives and fans “wanted” to see her more (actually pay for it) that she would say “no I am just being seen too much and I am going to turn away from the fame and money”. Ok I don’t live on that pretend planet, and neither does she. So like most bullies it’s really about something else, should we say self-esteem issues?? Britney Spears, yeah she’s going through a tough time, and I am by no means making lite of that. I just live in a glass house like everyone else and choose not to throw stones. Do I have the same issues that she’s having? Nope! Which is why I choose not to comment. I don’t know what I would do in that exact situation. Hell I don’t know what its like to be on drugs at all much less while in the spotlight. I don’t know what its like to have some of the people that are in my inner circle out to hurt me or around me just for money (if that’s the case). I am not blessed with those type of finances, though I am working on it. And if I did become blessed with Britney Spears-kind-of-money I am sure I would all of a sudden have cousins, aunts and uncles that I never knew I had. My point in all of this is we ALL have issues. We all have sins/mistakes in our past so as the old saying goes “who are we to judge?” I really can’t stand judgmental people. Now lets be clear there is a difference (a fine line) of judging someone and stating an opinion. I actually read a comment on a blog where the reader stated she hated Britney! Are you serious? You don’t even know the girl! Back to the point, the same way some people complain about the US government fixing problems in other countries while we still have plenty of problems in our own communities to fix; is the same rule that applies here. Fix your life before looking at someone else’s. Stop hating! If it’s that you don’t have a life or the one you want, go out and get it.

Remember to love yourself, because no one will love you like you do.
Your Girl,
Valarie

Strength

Throughout my life there have been so many things that come up and I think “damn! what else can go wrong??!!” At that particular moment I question if there are any answers, any solutions to my problem. Some times I can’t even foresee a solution. But life happens, the day goes on and somehow someway it all works out. I’d be the first to admit it doesn’t always work out as I would have planned. Sometimes the results (the way it worked out) is totally different then what I wanted. But I do believe things happen for a reason and the way things worked out is connected to the “plan” for my life. Either way one day I wake up and that issue has passed whether resolved the way I wanted or not and now of course on to the next issue or drama as it arises. I guess my point is just that one way or another things DO work out. Though things can seem tough at that particular moment, things DO get better. Some roads are rougher than others, but all issues end. I guess we just have to wait for things to work out. And speaking for myself that is not always easy but we get through. We are the strongest even when we don’t think we are.

Remember to love yourself, no one can love you like you can.
Your Girl, Valarie